I'm exhausted :or: Less than 2 weeks till I'm free!

If you are in college, or know someone in college, you might be aware that it's about finals time. Now, I have another full week of classes, and then finals. Other schools are already emptied out of their students. I envy them.

I feel drained. I have some homework up, that I could be working on. But I can't focus on it for anything. I go, type a sentence or two, leave. Do something else. I would love to just take a nap right now, and then attempt to get everything done, but my motivation is fried. Which just adds more stress, as I really want to do well in all my projects, but I don't care anymore, but I want to do well, you feel me?



Most of my stuff is due by Thursday night, so that we can submit it for the Spring Showcase, so after that it should be smooth sailing. Hopefully. After that I should just have my Psych test to worry about, all my other classes are heavily project based, so all you do is show up when the final is scheduled.

All I've wanted to do for the past 3 days is to just go sit somewhere quiet, and not have to react to anything. Maybe sit in a coffee shop and draw, maybe finally catch up on the latest episode of Doctor Who (which I've had since Monday, and haven't gotten around to watching yet), maybe just sleeping. Just, as long as I don't have to DO anything. I understand that the end of the semester is when you get to show the culmination of all your work, and bring out the best stuff after months of learning. But all these big projects are stressing me out.

Now, looking at it all critically, I know mentally that it's all manageable. I'll be fine, and I'll end up having made something I'm proud of. I've put so much into my assignments all semester, and I think I got a good return, and I'm sure my final projects will be good as well.

But feeling based, all I know is that my head hurts, I've been tired and sleep deprived and weary since Monday night, I have so much to do, I don't want to let people down, I just feel like I could start bawling at any moment, and people around me are starting relationships. Which leads to talking and feelings and shit. This all adds up to me feeling EXHAUSTED. I even got at least 8 hours of sleep for the past two nights, and I almost feel more tired.

I don't want to complain too much, I mean, I do love my major and I'm passionate about my projects (or I am when I'm not too tired to care). The thing is, I feel like I've just been going and going and going for the past month. I'm so happy the end is close, because I don't think I could keep going and stay in a healthy place for much longer.

It's funny, cause I see pictures like this, and it's just like, no. I am tired. I mean, yes, maybe there are a couple other emotions there, like stress. But right now, all I feel is tired. Honestly, the thought that tomorrow is Saturday, and I get to sleep for hours is one of the few things keeping me going right now.

That was all long and dreary. If you got all the way through it, bless your face. Thank you for reading through my feelings. Or current lack there of.

Welp. It's been a while, and I've missed it. If nothing else, pick up lines are good for a chuckle. I don't know about you, but I can most definitely use a smile or some laughter.

Let it pan

Castle Pan from Abi Freeland on Vimeo.


So. I shared my photoshop drawings, here's the final work. Eh? Eh? Also, make sure you let it keep playing for a couple seconds before closing the window. Just trust me on this.

xoxo

I am so proud of this. It took about 8 hours on Photoshop, and it was worth it.

Hoggy Hoggy Hogwarts by ~purplypanda20 on deviantART

It's part of an assignment for my 2D computer animation class, we all received a different castle to base a background off of. I pulled out Hogwarts. While I really enjoyed this, and love all things Harry Potter related, I have to wonder. Does anything really need that many turrets and spires? I'm thinking no.

 
Hoggywarts -WIP by ~purplypanda20 on deviantART

More work!!! Damn, I'm so super excited about this project. It kind of makes me want to just pour all my energy into it, but I have other homework to work on to. But adding the colors was about another 4 hours.

#feelings. ::or:: I'd like to be consistantly happy for a bit.

This isn't going to be super long. It's just feelings, pouring out. Plus I'm tired, but I don't want to go to sleep just yet. I prolly will after I write this.

I just sometimes feel like I want to sleep with someone. Not fuck. But just be close to someone and fall asleep. Is that weird? I don't even know. I just think it would be nice. You could even cuddle, and share bodywarmth. I think it sounds lovely. Maybe it's just me....

On another not, over the past 2 months, I have found myself incredibly attracted to Tobuscus on YouTube. I don't know why about that either. I just wish I could hang out with him, and be his friend. And play video games with him. That's not weird either, right? Totes not.
Have a picture of him. I'm contemplating potentially drawing this picture, with my awesome colored pencils, just cause he looks happy. Even with the bandaids on his forhead.

On a different note:


In philosophy, we're talking about personal identity, and I was just sitting there, like, Doctor Who addresses this in Journey's End. Oh. This was talked about in the Forrest of the Dead/Silence in the Library. This is just like The Almost People/Rebel Flesh. It's weird how taking philosophy after watching Doctor Who, and even after reading comics, I feel like I've heard a bunch of these theories before. It's weird. I mean, I like feeling like I get what's going on, and that it's not all new information.

On Monday, my Grandma is going into surgery. I really love my Grandma, and over the past couple days since I heard, everytime I think about being in this world without her, I start feeling like I want to cry. It hasn't been as bad today, possible cause I'm not PMSing any more. Thank goodness. But I'm still really worried. If y'all wouldn't mind praying, or if you aren't into praying or God, or whatever, if you could send positive thoughts for my Grandma in surgery, that would be great. And maybe some thoughts and prayers for my friend's mom, who is also in the hospital, and they're all worried. (Danielle, if you're reading this, I love you. And I am praying for y'all. <3 I know with everything going on, you might not read this, but I don't care. I adore you, and I want everything to work out fine for you and your family. And I'm cool with proclaiming my love for you in front of the internet. Even if you never see it.)

All in all, it's been kind of stressful, the past couple days. I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving break. Though some highlight of my week have definitely been the recent Lizzie Bennet Diaries.

Here's the latest one. Though if you really want some cheering up, you should look for the ones with Fitz. I've watched those episodes several times the past few days. And Nevermind the Buzzcocks. Which is also a very wonderful show, and a favorite of mine.

Pick up line time!
......I really do like pick up lines.

And finally:
Dear Toby, if you ever happen to stumble upon this, and you'd maybe like another friend, you should consider me. I am normally pretty decent at using proper grammar, and I'm funny sometimes. Other times just awkward. But I'm sure I could still be a good friend. If you'd like references, I can get some. 

 

School starts super soon :or: Mo' Picture Spam

So, I've been anxiously awaiting for school to start again as I've had a pretty boring summer. And I really missed everybody. People are already starting to come back!! But, as I've just been meandering through my summer, I haven't had a ton to blog about, but I have been stocking up pictures. Pictures which I wish to share. With y'all. You're welcome.

I have added a new person to my list of favorite people who are wonderful and perfect and even though I don't know them I'm so happy they exist. And the person is CARRIE HOPE FLETCHER. She's amazing and wonderful. Her YouTube channel name is ItsWayPastMyBedTime.

I'm counting the Pride and Prejudice quote as the pickup line for this post. Cheers <3

I think he has a bunch of excellent points. Kay. Carry on.

 

You know, sometimes I watch stuff, and I just want to share it. Because I feel like it expresses what I feel and they say it so much better. Yah.

So. Tiny little rant time. The digital media arts department of my school has declared that all DMA students need to buy themselves their own tablet. Not an iPad tablet, in case you're wondering, a drawing tablet. Which, if I hadn't just bought a Macbook, I would be all, fuck yeah! I'm getting a tablet. Time for arts. But, I did just buy a Macbook. I know why the department did it, the ones they use to provide for us kept getting taken, and they were kind of jank. Some of the pens were missing buttons, some of the screens were a tad glitchy. So we'll get better quality and save the department budget a bit, which can lead to cooler, better stuff elsewear, but I just bought a Mac! My bank account is super low. I still have a couple other text books I need to buy. I'm super poor. College is expensive, man.

Now, I have a feeling I'll end up loving my tablet. I'm looking at the Wacom Bamboo Create, which seems pretty reasonably priced and a pretty good quality tablet. And it means I can do even more homework off campus, which my mom will love, since I commute. And I would need it eventually for doing free lance stuff, or working from home, or doing commissions, stuff like that.

If any one wants to see my arts (which are mostly traditional art), here's a link to my DeviantArt page: Click me. If you want.

Pick up line time!!

Neglected due to..... Reasons

Yup. I just realized I hadn't put anything on here in forever! Or a couple weeks, whichever comes first.

Lots of stuff has been happening. Exciting stuff. Wonderful stuff. Timey-wimey wibbaly-wobbably stuff.

Or, failing that, I entered a picture into the student show at my college, and it made it in!!!!!! Super excited about that. It's hanging there. On the wall. Because it made it in!

So.... yah. Can't think of anything else. I'll just let the feelings pile up so I'll come back soon with a worthwhile post.

Time Ticks Stealthily Away...

I am, as you know, in college. A freshman. And I am currently on spring break!!! Such a lovely lovely thing. It's almost over. I haven't really done anything too exciting yet. I've caught up on sleep, worked, and bought some jeans. (wearing them now, actually.) It's been good. Nice and peaceful. I miss people lots, but it hasn't been horrible.

Now, to the blog's point. Or at least the part where I get to the legit post..... Prolly won't get to the actual point for a bit.... 
So, this weekend I'm going to this overnight thing. It's for church volleyball, on Saturday all the teenaged persons in the Nazarene church in Northeastern Indiana shall all come together and display their talents for all to see. So the volleyball team from my old zone is going to sleep in the same place at the same time the night before. It helps with bonding and shit, mostly it means everyone will get there at the same time. No worrying about weather this person or that person going to make it, cause they're already all there! Like lil goslings under the mother goose's wing.....

Just last year, I went to that, and participated. Just last year. It doesn't feel like just last year. It feels both like it was just yesterday, and yet forever ago. I mean, I'm halfway through my current semester, and it seems like we just started yesterday.

Maybe it's because I don't really see the same people all the time anymore. Instead I have all my friends from college. (mostly Film, Animation, Ed, and Art majors.) So it's almost like a different life. I don't miss it that much, I love college, and my major, the people here. I really really do. The main thing I miss is all the time to read, and quizzing. I'd try to really explain quizzing, but it's like a book that you love, that you can never explain well, so you have to sit there and say, "It's actually really cool! I promise!" Mostly it's awesome because of the people in it. I love them all.

So how does the time do it? I know now, so often I'm caught up in deadlines, and just getting everything done by the deadline, it just feels like one long day sometimes. With bits of sleep and seeing people between. But how can something, that will be a year ago on Saturday, how can that seem like a lifetime ago? 

Well, I doubt I'm going to figure that out, especially since it makes my brain hurt just thinking about it. I'm just going to try to put it out of my mind (though it'll prolly come back sometime at night when all I really want is to just fall asleep.) and enjoy this weekend, seeing people I used to know.

I'm going to go find a pickup line to put at the end of this blog, cause they make me happy. brb.
I found one I'd love to use, but it's a Halloween one..... the search continues.
 If I had Captain Jack Sparrow's compass, right now it would be pointing at you. <3

An Ethics Paper I did for School. And thought I would share.

• Identify the facts surrounding the issue
• Define the issues surrounding the issue
• Identify the people/groups of people that are affected
• Identify the options for each affected group
• Describe the consequences of these options
• How do your values and beliefs including your religious faith affect your view of the issue?
• If confronted with this type of ethical situation/issue, what would you do?

I chose to talk about the ethics surrounding blogs, as I have a blogger, a Tumblr, a DeviantArt and I had to do a blog for class (Intro to DMA) last semester. I feel like I have personal connections to such an issue.

Blogs are like journals or diaries, that the whole world can see. It’s kind of exciting, really. People can write about everything, whatever, nothing. There is no limit, really, as what a blog can be. It can be a picture blog, a blog about restaurants, a blog that reviews movies, a ranting blog. Whatever. And with the easiness of copy and paste, save image as, and downloading stuff off the internet, it’s super easy to take other people’s “intellectual property” and post it as your own.

Now, when I did the blog for school last semester, our professor, Leeper, told us we needed to have a picture or a video or something, as well as writing what we think. He wanted us to keep it to story-telling and DMA- related stuff, at least kinda keep it related, but really, we could talk about anything. But I got use to taking pictures from DeviantArt and webcomics. And I did try to cite, and put where I got the pictures, at least. Sometimes I felt bad when I didn’t. So I tried to remember to cite. And now that I have my own personal blog, I don’t have as many pictures, unless they’re my pictures, or it says somewhere that they are free to use. Just cause I don’t want to accidentally take someone else’s work and pass it off as my own, or use it when they didn’t want it used.

I’d say this mostly affects the artist. Those putting their work out there, trying to get noticed, or just sharing their work with the world. I mean, artists put their music up on MySpace to get notice, but they don’t want you just taking it and adding it to your collection. How are they supposed to make a living if their wares keep getting taken without charge?

At least on Tumblr, you have the option to reblog. It shows who you reblogged it from, who they reblogged it from, and eventually you get back to the first person. And so, you can share what makes you happy without accidentally claiming it as something you made, or something you came up with. Some people put water-marks on their artwork that’s hard to remove without destroying the picture.

People still try to steal stuff, claim it as their own. Remove the watermark, touch it up. Change it just the teensy-est bit. I see it one DeviantArt, people will have journals where they’ve found their pictures around the interwebs, and they don’t know who to petition, how to get it removed, or they just want to spread the word, so people know who the rightful owner is. One person even had one of their original characters, that they created, and so belonged to that person, on a porn role-playing site. Which is just wrong. It doesn’t matter if the drawing looks just like what whoever took it thought their character always looked like. It’s wrong. It’s like slandering, really.


The consequences of it are hard to describe, often these people don’t ever get noticed. I mean, it’s a huge world outside, and with a world wide web with many people having Facebooks, Tumblrs, DeviantArt, Bloggers, Wordpresses, YouTubes it can be easy to just bury it. Not only that, some people have more than one account on each of these. I know of people on Tumblr who have hipster blogs, Disney blogs, and their personal blog. Even if they do get caught, it’s not like they get thrown out of the internets for all of eternity. At most they get blocked from a site or two, and maybe some hate mail. And that’s at most. At least they’ll get away with it, and have people telling them how creative they are.

Sometimes it is easy to want to take other’s stuff and try to pass it off as your own. I mean, it’s there. Surely it can’t be too hard to just take it, and put it back up somewhere else. But as someone who has spent hours on art projects, and making sure everything is as close to how I saw it in my head, if someone did that to me, I’d be super pissed. If someone took something I had stressed about, spent days on, thought about it while trying to fall asleep, I would just be both mad, and at the same time sad and disappointed. I mean, it’s mine. I worked on it. And you’re just going to copy  it, and say you did all that work? And so from the perspective of someone who has put time and effort into their work, I just couldn’t do it. I just can’t even justify that. I know everyone wants to feel special, and talented, but stealing other people’s work is not the way to do it. It only shows you are talented at taking what’s not yours.

I don’t mind people using my artwork, if they credit it. I don’t really mind at all. But not everyone feels like that, especially those who do want their work to be theirs. They don’t want you to take their work, period. It’s not a gift. It’s not a free for all. It might seem a bit selfish to some, that people won’t share their art, and their work, but with something where you have to invest so much of yourself, it’s completely understandable. It’s your piece of work. Not anyone else’s. And if I ever realize I “stole” or “claimed” someone’s work, I’d feel horrible.

Blogs, and artwork, and music, and videos are something that people make for themselves, or are something they do for a living. Not for anyone else. It’s theirs.