Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I have nothing better to do with my life rn so hey

I like blogging, it's just always so much work to actually type things, you feel me?

See, I have all these thoughts, and there are even some things that I could rant about for hours, but it's difficult to sit down and gather them all together. A cohesive hot mess. A literary cohesive hot mess. I want to get better, but then I spend time with people or I'm drawing or dancing along to music or staring moodily out into the rain while reading poems by Andrea Gibson.

Recently I've felt like I need to constantly multitask or I get jittery. Listening to music helps, or watching a TV show, but there's still always that thought of I want to also be doing something else. Like, its not that I want to stop what I'm doing, it's that I also want to be doing more other things at the same time. And then, of course you have to intently check out what the distractions are, you can't have a mediocre thing on the side. You gotta pick them carefully. Which also takes time.

And right in the middle of that, I got distracted by makeup and Sephora. Damn, I really want the Bare Minerals Bare Skin foundation. My favorite youtuber uses it and it looks great on her, plus it's about 20 dollars less than the Nars foundation I previously wanted.

Maybe it's a side affect of my generation. We always have our phones on us, we can typically search for whatever we need from wherever we are. I tend to have a couple conversations going in different apps and messengers, sometimes with the same person. I can talk to people via texting, facebook messenger, snapchat, twitter, twitter dm, tumblr, or talking face to face, all at the same time.

One of the few times I don't feel the need to do more than one thing is when I'm lost in a book, or (pretty rarely) when I'm drawing and I start to almost hyperfocus. It's a beautiful thing to get lost in creations, wether they are things you are creating or other people are creating. It brings some sense of wonder and awe. As a kid, I would tend to get so devoted and intent towards a book, the only thing I would stop reading for is my mom trying to talk to me. Every single other thing I blocked out. I still tend to have that overwhelming sense of, this book is my everything right now. I devour the words and feel a sense of acute loss when it's done.

Maybe I need to read more to get back that feeling of complete devotedness to one thing. Then maybe I'll stop feeling the need to check all my social media every 5 minutes while I'm working on important things.