Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Coffee shops, and lots of love.

Just uploaded a butt load of drawings. From my drawing 1 class last semester. And some people like them!!! Maybe it's cause I don't have thousands of watchers (I do love and appreciate all of you) but I get so excited whenever anyone favs one of my drawings. And when someone comments? Well, let's just say, I might be skipping along the campus today. (Actually, no. I hate the cold and snow. So,it'll be internal skipping, prolly.) But yay! I just feel happy, that people like my stuff! Gah! Words are slowly slipping away in my ecstasy. Adfjosn. <3 If you want to go see my pictures:  (If anyone does look at this blog, and then go to my DeviantArt, You may notice it has almost the exact same blog/journal as this.) Also, how would I make it so it just shows as [link] instead of the entire address?

Is weird to have a dream job that's different from what you want to do with your life? I'm an animation major, all I really want to do with my life is work on pretty pictures. Weather it be drawing, or movies, or even being the color person on a comic book. (Actually, that last one would be so awesome.) But my dreamjob isn't any of those. I mean, I would love to do any of those for the rest of my life. And be surrounded by color. But I really want to own/run a coffee shop. One that has art on the walls, and a cozy atmosphere, and comfy, possibly mismatched chairs around tables. Good music playing. Now, I know nothing about running a business. Math is not my strong point. And I don't have much knowledge about how to make different coffee drinks. But I just really want to do this. Nothing big or grandiose. Just... A coffee shop.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

A Blog about Feelings and Likes and Insecurities andShit.

First I'd like to say, this isn't a shout for attention. This is me trying to figure out my thoughts, and insecurities. And what better way to do that, then by letting my thoughts ramble out to any random stranger who happens to stumble upon this blog.

So, I was talking to one of my bestest friends. And she was like, everyone (as in a bunch of guys we both know. Pssh. Everyone) likes you. And I'm always like, What? Nnoooooo. Whatchu talking about. And then she went through a list. And I'm always like Huh. I just don't feel..... Worthy enough? Pretty enough? I don't know, but I'm not something enough. I'm not sure what, but I just feel like I shouldn't have attention from guys.

Now, I do, so to say, invest in being cute. I wouldn't say I'm gorgeous, or even beautiful, but I'd say I can be cute. I do like pretty sparkly things. I do randomly wearing skirts every now and then. And I do love attention, and sometimes I do purposely not care if I look a teensy bit slut-esque. But, there are plenty of girls out there who don't dress girly or fanceh. And they still get plenty of guys. I feel I'm too chubby, I want my stomach to be flatter (who doesn't?), my head is too small for my body, I can have a double chin if I don't hold my head in the right way. I know that my body is not the most ideal. At least I'm fairly curvy. Always a plus there, yeah?

Maybe it's because I've never had a boyfriend. Ever. All 18 (almost 19) years of my life. And I've never been kissed. never had a boy I was able to point at and say, 'See him? He's mine.' I barely even had any friends who were guys before starting college. So maybe I just can't tell. Or I just consider all attention as the type of attention a friend gives a friend. I don't know.

I think some of it also comes from the fact that I refuse to ever make the first move. I'm not really for or against feminism, or traditional roles. I just don't think I could, even if I really liked someone. For instance, I hate just asking people for stuff. Which would probably surprise some of my friends alot. But I always try to work up to it, or get the other person to figure out what I want and then get them to suggest it. That way, if they say no, it's not as big a loss. That or they never figure it out, and we all just move on. So, I kind of go back a step with guys. Kinda. Instead of trying to get them to figure it out, I just try to be me. Never change myself. Which is hard in any case. Especially around people you kind of like, and want them to like you.

I think most of the insecurities about all this stem from 3 things. A) No experience in the matter. B) Not feeling like I'm the prettiest thing in the world. And C) Not having been asked out yet, despite being given lists of guys who apparently like me, and my mom constantly asking if I have a boyfriend yet. It's frustrating, and difficult.

I just want someone to hold me close, and make me feel pretty, and watch movies with. Who'll walk through Wal-Mart with me, and not laugh at how I act like a child the whole way through. Someone to hold hands with while walking to class, or through a mall. Someone who'll quote stuff with me, weather it be movie, tv show, Starkid, book, comic, or just something silly someone said. Someone who'll forgive my insecurities, and tell me I'm pretty. Most of all, I want someone I can love, and call my own. Is that too much to ask?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Serious thoughs about being the Doctor's Companion

I've been watching Doctor Who recently. Finally watched series 5. Sssooooo good. But I was thinking. If I had the opportunity to be a companion, would I? Would you? Could you? Fly away with a mad man in a box of the bluest blue ever?

I am a seriously lazy, slightly homebody type person. I have not positive feelings toward running. I'm awkward around people I don't know. And yes, the Doctor may be able to get you back 5 minutes after you left, but you are going to be changed. And it may not be for better, but it would be for good.

But could I stay away? I mean, there's the chance to meet the people I look up to. I mean, Martha got to meet Shakespeare. Amy got to meet Vincent Van Gogh. I would do alot to be able to meet them. Plus amazing things I would never have the opportunity to see otherwise.

So, I would go with the Doctor. The wonder lust would beat out uncomfort.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Illustrations for children's literature

So I was going to share some of my character sketches from my J-term class. But they wouldn't upload. Ssooooo. I'll add them (or something) later. Maybe I'll try to take pictures and make it twice as artsy. Yah. A picture inside a picture. Picseption. It's a thing. Well, not by that name. So, if you like artsy stuffs, you may or may not want to check back later. :{D Um. Okay now. Buh bye

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Newness, Old goals

My resolution for this year is also my daily goal. To make all my favorite people smile as much as I can whenever I can. To not be afraid to tease them mercilessly, but also to know when to stop. To be less afraid about being in front of large groups of people, or worrying about what other people think. To be a person that other people like, but also that I like.

And most importantly, to be there for those who need someone.
That's what I want to do. That's who I want to be. Not the loud person, or the funny person, or the awkward person. The caring person who's there for others.