Recently, I've been thinking about boyfriends and how nice it would be to have one. But at the same time, I'm scared. What if no one ever likes me? What if I love this person? Will that person love me the same way? It's very very scary. It's almost like gambling on not only your fucking emotions, but some one else's too. You have no idea how they feel about you, except what they tell you. And people have been known to lie every now and then.
I'm also terribly awkward. In cases where I've found out some one likes me, or someone asks me "Do you think that person likes you?", I've become.... less open and close with them? I guess? I just stop spending as much time with them, and often I'll even become a bit rude and sharp to them. And I hate myself for it. I want to be loving and kind and nice. And I try! I do try.
I think it's fear. I really really do. You know, I look forward to having kids
With a significant other, you can't guarantee that they'll be yours and yours alone. There are other people in their lives. They have parents, siblings, friends, mentors. And that's the way it should be. But the uncertainty. It's annoying and difficult. Maybe I'll just be an old cat lady. That would take away the anxiety a bit. A bit like waving the white flag at the same time, though. Or, it's like not liking to order from fast food places, so you just don't go.
Now that I've bared some of my insecurities to the world......
here's a pick up line. Cause that's just how I roll.
P.S. I'm on Pottermore (twice). The first time I was put in Ravenclaw, the second time I actually was put in Gryffindor. In case you were wondering about the title. I'm fairly sure I should be in Slytherin, though I want to be in Hufflepuff. I've spent long showers dwelling on such important questions as which house I'd be in. But I guess Pottermore knows best.