My eyeliner is thicker than yo :or: Why I wear Makeup

A while ago, two groups were formed on Facebook, both a secret confessions type thing were people from my school can post stuff anonymously to an external survey page thing, and then the admins of the pages would post them. One is HU confessions, and the other HU Secret Admirers. The Secret Admirers one is pretty harmless, mostly just a bunch of shout outs to certain people. I even got such a shout out once, and I don't know who did it. And that kills me a bit. I have this unquenchable urge to know. The HU confessions is kind of a shit storm. It's just not the most healthy environment to post in. People seem to have two extremes: loving support, or mindless stripping down. Seriously. Sometimes I look at the comments, and I just want them to shut the fuck up.

Yes, we have freedom of speech, and yes, that post may be a douchesque. But there is absolutely no need to go off on someone that badly. Recently, there haven't been new posts, possibly due to the onset of finals approaching  and the comments have been much more of the supporting kind. I know both these facts as I just scrolled through some of the page.

But neither of those are really what I wanted to talk about. What I want to talk about is:

And then there's my comment which got 8 likes, holla. Okay, now this is not the only comment like this on either page. I have seen at least 6 other similar posts. And they're all about how when it comes to attracting men, or what these guys in particular find attractive, they'd rather you didn't wear alot of makeup. Or any makeup. It's all about 'Less is more;' and 'Letting your natural beauty shine thorugh!' I do know this isn't every guys opinion. I know there are prolly guys out there who couldn't care less. But this still bugs me, so let's get down to why I wear makeup. I have decided to include a picture of myself, it's not the best lighting or anything, but hopefully you can see my makeup.

I do wear makeup every day. Or at least everyday I leave my house, which is most days. My makeup consists of Hard Candy liquid eyeliner in Asphalt (x); Rimmel Scandaleyes mascara (x); and if I want to spend an extra minute, eye shadow. Normally from one of the Hard Candy Palettes (x) 

Now, this takes me between 4 to 7 minutes every morning. I don't consider it too much time out of my day, and it pretty much stays through the whole day just fine.

I like wearing makeup. For me, it's something I can do to help me feel  bit more put together on the days when I feel like a bum. Gotta put the hot in hot mess somehow, ya feel me? I like how it looks, I like the look of eyeliner and mascara together, I like how it almost looks like false lashes, I like how it makes me eighty nine percent more likely to remember to wash my face everyday. I like how I feel pretty. I like how it can help create the illusion that you're more awake feeling than you actually are. I just like how it looks. It's nice. I like it. ME. I. Notice how all these reasons are extremely self centered. They aren't about guys, or what guys like.

See, here's the thing. I do my makeup like I choose my music. I pick what I like, and then I rock it. Well. I don't know about rock it, per ce, but it seemed like the best word to go with both. But the point still stands. I figure out what I like, and I go with it.

I do not dress myself, censor myself, present myself for you. Or anyone. It's hard enough for me to live in a way I'm okay with, I can't live my life trying to please other people. No one should have to do that. If you like something, you should go for it. I mean, unless it's like murdering people or wearing the blood of your enemies as lipstick. Then maybe you should find something else. 

In conclusion, I like wearing makeup. I really fucking like it. Alot. I just adore it, yo. 

So. Yeah. If you like makeup, wear it. If you don't like makeup, don't worry about it. It's your life. Live it, yo.

Instead of pickup lines, today I will share some of my favorite makeup inspriations/people: 

Rachel Whitehurst 

She does YouTube makeup videos, and sometimes vloggy type videos, and I just adore her. She is gorgeous, and the way she does her makeup is gorgeous, and ugh. I have such a ginormous friend crush on her. She's also in the gif above!! Ya. Ugh lookit that perfect liner. That shit is hard to do.

Hazel Hayes: Confession, I don't really watch her videos. I barely remember to watch the videos of the people I'm subscribed to. But her makeup, man. And I've enjoyed watching other people's videos she's been in. .....That sounds kind of creepy. I'm sorry. I apologize for the creeptasticness.

I couldn't find alot of pictures, so go to her youtube, and have a gif.

I also like Paloma Faith's makeup. Her style, I'm not always sold on, but her makeup I love. And her music. Oh my glob, if you like wonderful music, you should totes check her out. Here's one of my favorite songs/videos from here:

Marina and the Diamonds, another wonderful artist/musician and absolutely gorgeous thing. More crazy awesome music. Have another video:

Miley Cyrus: I know not everyone loves Miley, but I'm a fan. I do perfer how her long brown hair looked, but you know, it takes balls to get a hair cut that's extreme and different. And then to keep it even when so many people are hating on it? So much respect for her. And her makeup is always gorgeous.

And finally; Ke$ha. Say what you will, but I love how she wears whatever the fuck she wants. Something thrifted? Totes. Something fancy? Also totes. And her makeup is normally pretty legit, I'm just saying. Fun fact: She is one of 5 artists where I have all of their albums.

Kthxbai

Need moar friends :or: need moar friends who are guys

Well, I'm sure you know what time it is. Spring time! (Though it actually feels like we're not getting spring so much as a fuckton of winter trying to just evolve into summer like a pokémon or something.) And what happens in the spring? Young people's fancy turn to thoughts of love. (Tennyson, yo. I can be classy)

With such an auspicious beginning, you might be wondering, am I starting to fancy some gentlemen? I can give you the answer right now. NOPE. I mean, there are some guys I know who, if something happened to develop there, I wouldn't be completely opposed, you feel me? But there is no one person I look at and think, "Mmmm. Yah. I'd date that. Let me love you."

No, the point of this post is not to confess my undying love, or unrequited fancy for some nameless gent. Actually, it's about how multitudes of other people have come to that point. Which makes it so that most the friends I have who are of the male gender have girlfriends. Here I am, single, with male friends who either have significant others, or are slowly arriving there.

What I'm slowly arriving at here is that I need more friends. Who are guys. Now, I find it difficult to become good friends with people. It's just not easy to start talking to people I don't know well. That's part of the reason I value my friends so much, cause sometimes it just amazes me how I got so blessed to have such fantastic people in my life. But if it's hard for me to talk to people in general, it's about forty percent more difficult to talk to the male populace. Ugh. It's so nerve racking.

So. Any guys out there. Preferably single, as most of the couples around me will prolly start giving me a complex soon. We can be friends, if that's cool. I'll even supply a list of things I think should be known before going into a relationship.

1. My favorite jedi is Quinlan Vos. Jaina is a close second. (look how obscure my favorite is. You've prolly never heard of him.)
2. I am obsessed with pretty much all things Alice and Wonderland. You can pretty much make my day by sharing something some how Alice-esque.
3. My favorite movie is Avengers, and then A Knight's Tale, and 10 Things I Hate about you
4. I LOVE Doctor Who. Like. Freak out about the episodes, watch them over and over again. Fun fact: I have all the Matt Smith episodes (they were in a bundle/deal type thing), and a bunch of David Tennant and Christorfer Eccleston episodes.
5. I have 3 unicorn pillowpets (TM), and a unicorn pillowpet (TM) keychain. They were all gifts, and so I value them all. I really want one of the dreamlite (TM) unicorn pillowpets (TM) but I don't want to spend the money on it at this point in my life.
6. Starkid is asdfjlklj;a;. Precious babies. AND I get to go to a Darren Criss concert, and listen to him sing, and meet him, and it'll be my first concert ever, and I get to fucking MEET DARREN CRISS, and I think hug him, and asdfjlk';'k Guys I don't think you understand how excited I am.
7. ENFP, yo. Also an otter.
8. I like going places and doing stuff, but I'm also cool with just hanging out and chilling, ya feel me?
9. My favorite band is All Time Low

Also, have a list of people I have friend cruches on. Like, I just want to be their frriieeennn, ya feel me?

1. Carrie Hope Fletcher. She just is so lovely, you know? I just want to go to England, bump into her, and somehow become friends.
2. Emma Blackery. I dunno, man, she's funny, and I want to be her friend.
3. Everyone in Starkid. If you love Starkid, you understand.
4. Dylan O'Brien. I also kind of have a regular crush on him. More of a I think he's attractive, and adorable, and I just want to know him, and hang out with him.
5. Paloma Faith. It's amazing how many people on here are British..... But they all seem like genuine, lovely people.
6. Tobuscus. I also have a regular type crush on him. I mostly think he's super attractive. But I'd still be okay with just friends.
7. All Time Low.
8. Jennifer Lawerence. If you don't look at J Law, and find yourself wanting to be friens with her, there might be something wrong with you. Maybe.
9. MeekaKitty/Tessa Violet. Look! Some non British people!
10. A ton of other Youtubers, but this is getting long
11. A majority of people in the animation industry.
12. A bunch of people I see on a daily basis, but am too shy to talk to. People can be scary, man.

So. If you want to be friends, hit me up. I'm also on the twitter, if you want to follow me, or I can follow you, or we can follow each other, and tweet at each other, and it'll be beautiful and nothing will hurt.... Yah. If you want that, you can CLICK HERE. I'm just saying. It could be cool. I mean, just be all, "hey, I wanna be friends," and I'll be all, "yeah man, that sounds awesome and then BUSSOM BUDDIES. Hollah.

Friend pick up lines today, yo:

Dumb Ways to Die

Fun fact. This is one of the catchiest songs EVER. But in a good, happy way.
The animation is so wonderful simple, and lovely. The character design fills my heart with joy.

NOW back to my psych paper. I keep getting distracted by facebook, and pretty fonts.
Really cool fonts here
More fonts I'm in love with.

Fun fact: I fucking love fonts. Like. A lot.

It's my life :or: things I have trouble saying

Right now there are plenty of other things I could be doing. I could be working on a paper for my psych class. I could be working on storyboards I need to have done in 2 hours. I could be drooling over the Nexus 4. (I want to get it this summer to replace my jank phone.) However, here I am, typing up my feelings.

Do you ever get to that point where you just keep feeling like you need to do something? Maybe something that scares you, or makes you uncomfortable, or you just don't want to do. Well, on this upcoming Thursday, I will be doing floor worship on my friends floor. And by doing I mean giving my "testimony". Now, this terrifies the shit out of me for two reasons. A: I have trouble with talking in front of groups of people. B: I'm not good at sharing my faith.

I mean, I don't even really have a faith. I'm still getting there. This is me, being honest, and saying if I were to do right now, I do not know if I'd go to heaven. And that's okay. Even if I was a professing christian, even if I was at that place, I still would have doubts, or wonder if I was good enough. And that is also okay.

See, here's the thing. I grew up in the church. Like, my granpa started going to church at Lake Avenue. And then all my aunts and uncles and my dad grew up at Lake Avenue. And then when I was born, I went to Lake Avenue. You see where I'm going with this? I never really had a choice. It was never my faith. It was always expected of me. Assumed, really. And I can't have any sort of personal faith, anything I firmly believe in, if I'm only believing it because someone else doesn't want me to go to hell. That's not how it works. I can't be a christian for anyone other than me. Well. Maybe for Jesus.

I stepped back. Not completely, it's not like I'm an atheist now. I still believe in a lot of the things I was told and taught, I still believe that there's a God, and that love is the answer. But I had to step back, I had to find out if I believed in this stuff because it made sense to me, because I could grasp it, or if I was just holding on to a ghost of someone else's faith. I can't do that. I can't. That's not mine. I know they say sharing is caring, but I can't share someone else's faith. That's like saying that David Tennant is the best Doctor, solely because other people believe that. (I actually don't have a favorite Doctor. Everytime I try to decide, I just keep finding things I love about all of them.)

And then there are problems with the church itself. The church is broken. I mean, it's made up of braken people, but that's not the only reason. The church is for believers. It is for Christians. I go into a service, and I feel like, as a good Christian being, I'm supposed to be convicted. But I'm not there. I'm just not. I may go to the service, I may laugh at funny parts, I may feel sad about sad parts, I may love the music. But I don't feel it. You feel me? I don't long to be a better Christian, I'm not sure if I am a Christian, how can I be expected to try and be a better one?

The title Christian itself is so maimed and hurt, both by the media, AND by things the church has done. I'm not really sure I want the tag on me. I think being a follower of Jesus is worthy of striving for. I mean, dude was awesome. At least canon Jesus, who flips over tables and was sassy. And he loved like crazy. I mean, what he did, he did for love. That is beautiful. That is worthy of emulating.

Here's the thing. I can't do things half assed. I either have to be in all the way or not at all. I either have to not give a fuck, or do it with all of me. I can't do it lukewarm; I can't be lukewarm. That won't work, I can not do it. But if I was a "Christian" just to make my mom happy, I would be lukewarm. I would just be going through the paces, pretty much pretending to be what I'm expected to be.

I'm actually pretty happy that even though the college I go to is a christian college, they're pretty apathetic about your faith. If I was here, and I was expected to be a holy and devote christian, I would not be able to try to figure it out. I would go back to doing what I had done throughout middle and high school, just doing the motions and not rocking the boat.

A faith that's not yours is no faith at all. You can't find comfort in it, there's no peace there for you. Maybe someday I'll get to the point where I can say I am a christian. But today is not that day. I don't have all the answers, I barely have any answers. And that's okay. As they say in A Very Potter Musical, "Okay is wonderful."

And like they say in The Fault in Our Stars: Okay.

See, where I am in my life is okay. It's okay not to know, it's okay to be figuring that out, if I live to 100 and still haven't figured it out, that's okay too. Actually, I hope I've figured something out before a hundred. But it's a journey, and it's my journey. It's my progress. There will be others around me who will encourage and council and suggest and want. But at the end of the day, it is my fucking life. I need to be the one to figure out how to live it.

So I spent the whole time I was typing this feeling vaguely panicky, and kind of like I could cry, and then I looked up The Fault in our Stars, and that didn't help at all. Gah. I love that book, but it makes me sad. But a beautiful sad, ya feel? The kind of sadness you get when you hear a song, and it's sad, but it's also gut wrenchingly beautiful, filled with haunting truths and could be's. And then it ends and you're just left there trying to decide whether to cry, or go back and start it all over again.

So. This is where the pick up lines go, and who am I to disappoint? I'm feeling sweeter lines for today. And a Hank Green quote as a bonus.

Mel's Turnaround :or: My puppet is DONE BABY

Mel Turnaround from Abi Freeland on Vimeo.

I am so proud of her. So. Fucking. Proud. y'all have no idea.

I have a ton of instagram photos of Mel's coming together, which I will prolly make into a collage and put onto my deviantArt soon. If you want to see them before I get to that, my instagram is just abifreeland. If, I dunno, you wanna check that out.

I also post pictures of my cat. If such things interest you.

Fun fact: origanally, I wanted her name to either be Melanie or Roni. But now I now someone who's name is Roni, so her name got defaulted to Melanie. And now Mel. It just fits her somehow, ya feel? But then I did her hair, and about when I was almost done, I realized it was kind of River Song hair. Which, as a giant Doctor Who fan, I flipped out about for a good 20 minutes. And then I realized her name was Mel. Which, as a ginormous Doctor Who fan, also made me flip the fuck out. I mean, that's just cray. It's almost like the plot of Let's Kill Hitler. Again, freaking out here. I planned none of this. For the longest time she was going to have strait long hair, I can show you my concept sketches if you don't believe me.

So, how about a pick up line, and then sometime later this week I'll try to write an actual, legitimate post.

Videos :or: Cats

Sophomore Review Reel from Abi Freeland on Vimeo.

I feel bad for not writing any posts recently, so even though I shared this kinda every where, I'm putting it here too. You know. Just cause.

And you get some cat pictures, cause apparently the people in my life don't appreciate these simple pleasures. Like cats. I don't know man. I just... I don't know. Some people are weird.

And also this. Because it makes me laugh.

Woooo hhhhooooo

MY ARTS HERE

So, I hit 3000 pageviews on my Deviantart. If anyone was wondering.... I was just super excited to see it right at 3ooo. Holy fuckeroli. Guise. I just feel happy right now......

And I just wanted to share that, sssoooooo. Carry on. Or if you want to see my arts, you can click the link above. It's your life. Do want you want. I mean, I'd like it if you wanted to look at some of my work. That's cool.

Also, if anyone wants to buy me premium membership for a month, I want to change my username. Just to abifreeland, prolly, just so it links up with, like, my Twitter, and my Vimeo. Plus, I feel it would look way more professional/legit than purplypanda20. You know?

Pick up line time