Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Oh hai thar

So, um, I've kind of been absent here, haven't I? Whoopsy... I may or may not have forgotten I have a blog.

Schools been out for over 2 weeks, and I've been working on my room and redecorating it, painting my nails, reading, going shopping, Tumblr-ing. Fun stuff. And I haven't really had many profound wisdom hitting, I need to share this with everyone type moments.

Though I will say, every now and then, I just get hit with all the stupid, insensitive things I've said and done. And it's like it just plays on repeat, over and over again. It could be hormones/PMS related + the lack of people to keep me sane. But it just all hits me. And it makes me wonder how I even have friends. Seriously, it does.  Now, I'm not good at thinking before I talk. Sometimes my words just come out. Especially when I'm tired, and I just want to say everything I think of. It's not pretty. I feel like I've gotten much, much better over the last couple years. Needless to say, I was a child without tact. An adorable child, I'm sure, but definitely one with out tact.

The thing is, I'm already insecure. And pretty sure I have OCD. My mum thinks so too. I can't let things go. I overthink to a fault, sometimes. I'm bad at letting feelings go. And I'm not surrounded by people right now who make it known that it's okay for me to hang out with them. Who let me know they like being around me. That they like me. My summer schedule is work, home, sleep, repeat, pretty much. I haven't really done anything with anyone. And my family has to like me. So right now, I'm semi-bi-polar. I just keep thinking about all my unthinking blunders, and then sometimes I manage to move on and be fine.

Maybe when I've stopped bleeding and cramping, I'll be closer to my usual norm. Maybe it is just hormones. But right now, while it's not over whelming, it's still there, and it's screwing with my insecurities like nothing else.

I might be driving out to visit a friend soon, though! Super excited about that.

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