Need moar friends :or: need moar friends who are guys

Well, I'm sure you know what time it is. Spring time! (Though it actually feels like we're not getting spring so much as a fuckton of winter trying to just evolve into summer like a pokémon or something.) And what happens in the spring? Young people's fancy turn to thoughts of love. (Tennyson, yo. I can be classy)

With such an auspicious beginning, you might be wondering, am I starting to fancy some gentlemen? I can give you the answer right now. NOPE. I mean, there are some guys I know who, if something happened to develop there, I wouldn't be completely opposed, you feel me? But there is no one person I look at and think, "Mmmm. Yah. I'd date that. Let me love you."

No, the point of this post is not to confess my undying love, or unrequited fancy for some nameless gent. Actually, it's about how multitudes of other people have come to that point. Which makes it so that most the friends I have who are of the male gender have girlfriends. Here I am, single, with male friends who either have significant others, or are slowly arriving there.

What I'm slowly arriving at here is that I need more friends. Who are guys. Now, I find it difficult to become good friends with people. It's just not easy to start talking to people I don't know well. That's part of the reason I value my friends so much, cause sometimes it just amazes me how I got so blessed to have such fantastic people in my life. But if it's hard for me to talk to people in general, it's about forty percent more difficult to talk to the male populace. Ugh. It's so nerve racking.

So. Any guys out there. Preferably single, as most of the couples around me will prolly start giving me a complex soon. We can be friends, if that's cool. I'll even supply a list of things I think should be known before going into a relationship.

1. My favorite jedi is Quinlan Vos. Jaina is a close second. (look how obscure my favorite is. You've prolly never heard of him.)
2. I am obsessed with pretty much all things Alice and Wonderland. You can pretty much make my day by sharing something some how Alice-esque.
3. My favorite movie is Avengers, and then A Knight's Tale, and 10 Things I Hate about you
4. I LOVE Doctor Who. Like. Freak out about the episodes, watch them over and over again. Fun fact: I have all the Matt Smith episodes (they were in a bundle/deal type thing), and a bunch of David Tennant and Christorfer Eccleston episodes.
5. I have 3 unicorn pillowpets (TM), and a unicorn pillowpet (TM) keychain. They were all gifts, and so I value them all. I really want one of the dreamlite (TM) unicorn pillowpets (TM) but I don't want to spend the money on it at this point in my life.
6. Starkid is asdfjlklj;a;. Precious babies. AND I get to go to a Darren Criss concert, and listen to him sing, and meet him, and it'll be my first concert ever, and I get to fucking MEET DARREN CRISS, and I think hug him, and asdfjlk';'k Guys I don't think you understand how excited I am.
7. ENFP, yo. Also an otter.
8. I like going places and doing stuff, but I'm also cool with just hanging out and chilling, ya feel me?
9. My favorite band is All Time Low

Also, have a list of people I have friend cruches on. Like, I just want to be their frriieeennn, ya feel me?

1. Carrie Hope Fletcher. She just is so lovely, you know? I just want to go to England, bump into her, and somehow become friends.
2. Emma Blackery. I dunno, man, she's funny, and I want to be her friend.
3. Everyone in Starkid. If you love Starkid, you understand.
4. Dylan O'Brien. I also kind of have a regular crush on him. More of a I think he's attractive, and adorable, and I just want to know him, and hang out with him.
5. Paloma Faith. It's amazing how many people on here are British..... But they all seem like genuine, lovely people.
6. Tobuscus. I also have a regular type crush on him. I mostly think he's super attractive. But I'd still be okay with just friends.
7. All Time Low.
8. Jennifer Lawerence. If you don't look at J Law, and find yourself wanting to be friens with her, there might be something wrong with you. Maybe.
9. MeekaKitty/Tessa Violet. Look! Some non British people!
10. A ton of other Youtubers, but this is getting long
11. A majority of people in the animation industry.
12. A bunch of people I see on a daily basis, but am too shy to talk to. People can be scary, man.

So. If you want to be friends, hit me up. I'm also on the twitter, if you want to follow me, or I can follow you, or we can follow each other, and tweet at each other, and it'll be beautiful and nothing will hurt.... Yah. If you want that, you can CLICK HERE. I'm just saying. It could be cool. I mean, just be all, "hey, I wanna be friends," and I'll be all, "yeah man, that sounds awesome and then BUSSOM BUDDIES. Hollah.

Friend pick up lines today, yo:

Dumb Ways to Die

Fun fact. This is one of the catchiest songs EVER. But in a good, happy way.
The animation is so wonderful simple, and lovely. The character design fills my heart with joy.

NOW back to my psych paper. I keep getting distracted by facebook, and pretty fonts.
Really cool fonts here
More fonts I'm in love with.

Fun fact: I fucking love fonts. Like. A lot.

It's my life :or: things I have trouble saying

Right now there are plenty of other things I could be doing. I could be working on a paper for my psych class. I could be working on storyboards I need to have done in 2 hours. I could be drooling over the Nexus 4. (I want to get it this summer to replace my jank phone.) However, here I am, typing up my feelings.

Do you ever get to that point where you just keep feeling like you need to do something? Maybe something that scares you, or makes you uncomfortable, or you just don't want to do. Well, on this upcoming Thursday, I will be doing floor worship on my friends floor. And by doing I mean giving my "testimony". Now, this terrifies the shit out of me for two reasons. A: I have trouble with talking in front of groups of people. B: I'm not good at sharing my faith.

I mean, I don't even really have a faith. I'm still getting there. This is me, being honest, and saying if I were to do right now, I do not know if I'd go to heaven. And that's okay. Even if I was a professing christian, even if I was at that place, I still would have doubts, or wonder if I was good enough. And that is also okay.

See, here's the thing. I grew up in the church. Like, my granpa started going to church at Lake Avenue. And then all my aunts and uncles and my dad grew up at Lake Avenue. And then when I was born, I went to Lake Avenue. You see where I'm going with this? I never really had a choice. It was never my faith. It was always expected of me. Assumed, really. And I can't have any sort of personal faith, anything I firmly believe in, if I'm only believing it because someone else doesn't want me to go to hell. That's not how it works. I can't be a christian for anyone other than me. Well. Maybe for Jesus.

I stepped back. Not completely, it's not like I'm an atheist now. I still believe in a lot of the things I was told and taught, I still believe that there's a God, and that love is the answer. But I had to step back, I had to find out if I believed in this stuff because it made sense to me, because I could grasp it, or if I was just holding on to a ghost of someone else's faith. I can't do that. I can't. That's not mine. I know they say sharing is caring, but I can't share someone else's faith. That's like saying that David Tennant is the best Doctor, solely because other people believe that. (I actually don't have a favorite Doctor. Everytime I try to decide, I just keep finding things I love about all of them.)

And then there are problems with the church itself. The church is broken. I mean, it's made up of braken people, but that's not the only reason. The church is for believers. It is for Christians. I go into a service, and I feel like, as a good Christian being, I'm supposed to be convicted. But I'm not there. I'm just not. I may go to the service, I may laugh at funny parts, I may feel sad about sad parts, I may love the music. But I don't feel it. You feel me? I don't long to be a better Christian, I'm not sure if I am a Christian, how can I be expected to try and be a better one?

The title Christian itself is so maimed and hurt, both by the media, AND by things the church has done. I'm not really sure I want the tag on me. I think being a follower of Jesus is worthy of striving for. I mean, dude was awesome. At least canon Jesus, who flips over tables and was sassy. And he loved like crazy. I mean, what he did, he did for love. That is beautiful. That is worthy of emulating.

Here's the thing. I can't do things half assed. I either have to be in all the way or not at all. I either have to not give a fuck, or do it with all of me. I can't do it lukewarm; I can't be lukewarm. That won't work, I can not do it. But if I was a "Christian" just to make my mom happy, I would be lukewarm. I would just be going through the paces, pretty much pretending to be what I'm expected to be.

I'm actually pretty happy that even though the college I go to is a christian college, they're pretty apathetic about your faith. If I was here, and I was expected to be a holy and devote christian, I would not be able to try to figure it out. I would go back to doing what I had done throughout middle and high school, just doing the motions and not rocking the boat.

A faith that's not yours is no faith at all. You can't find comfort in it, there's no peace there for you. Maybe someday I'll get to the point where I can say I am a christian. But today is not that day. I don't have all the answers, I barely have any answers. And that's okay. As they say in A Very Potter Musical, "Okay is wonderful."

And like they say in The Fault in Our Stars: Okay.

See, where I am in my life is okay. It's okay not to know, it's okay to be figuring that out, if I live to 100 and still haven't figured it out, that's okay too. Actually, I hope I've figured something out before a hundred. But it's a journey, and it's my journey. It's my progress. There will be others around me who will encourage and council and suggest and want. But at the end of the day, it is my fucking life. I need to be the one to figure out how to live it.

So I spent the whole time I was typing this feeling vaguely panicky, and kind of like I could cry, and then I looked up The Fault in our Stars, and that didn't help at all. Gah. I love that book, but it makes me sad. But a beautiful sad, ya feel? The kind of sadness you get when you hear a song, and it's sad, but it's also gut wrenchingly beautiful, filled with haunting truths and could be's. And then it ends and you're just left there trying to decide whether to cry, or go back and start it all over again.

So. This is where the pick up lines go, and who am I to disappoint? I'm feeling sweeter lines for today. And a Hank Green quote as a bonus.

Mel's Turnaround :or: My puppet is DONE BABY

Mel Turnaround from Abi Freeland on Vimeo.

I am so proud of her. So. Fucking. Proud. y'all have no idea.

I have a ton of instagram photos of Mel's coming together, which I will prolly make into a collage and put onto my deviantArt soon. If you want to see them before I get to that, my instagram is just abifreeland. If, I dunno, you wanna check that out.

I also post pictures of my cat. If such things interest you.

Fun fact: origanally, I wanted her name to either be Melanie or Roni. But now I now someone who's name is Roni, so her name got defaulted to Melanie. And now Mel. It just fits her somehow, ya feel? But then I did her hair, and about when I was almost done, I realized it was kind of River Song hair. Which, as a giant Doctor Who fan, I flipped out about for a good 20 minutes. And then I realized her name was Mel. Which, as a ginormous Doctor Who fan, also made me flip the fuck out. I mean, that's just cray. It's almost like the plot of Let's Kill Hitler. Again, freaking out here. I planned none of this. For the longest time she was going to have strait long hair, I can show you my concept sketches if you don't believe me.

So, how about a pick up line, and then sometime later this week I'll try to write an actual, legitimate post.

Videos :or: Cats

Sophomore Review Reel from Abi Freeland on Vimeo.

I feel bad for not writing any posts recently, so even though I shared this kinda every where, I'm putting it here too. You know. Just cause.

And you get some cat pictures, cause apparently the people in my life don't appreciate these simple pleasures. Like cats. I don't know man. I just... I don't know. Some people are weird.

And also this. Because it makes me laugh.